Family estrangement is a deeply emotional and often complex issue that affects many in our community. It can stem from a variety of sources—conflicts over values, political disagreements, personal trauma, or even long-standing misunderstandings. The psychological toll of estrangement can feel overwhelming, leaving individuals to navigate feelings of loss, guilt, and isolation. For many Jewish families, these rifts are especially challenging due to the central role family and community play in Jewish life, compounded by the unique pressures our community faces today. 

In Jewish tradition, family is a cornerstone of both communal and religious identity. The home is often seen as a sanctuary where Jewish values are nurtured and passed down through generations. When family members become estranged, it disrupts not only the personal connections between individuals but also the broader network of relationships that support and sustain us. For many, the absence of loved ones at holiday tables or lifecycle events—weddings, b’nai mitzvah, or shiva—serves as a poignant reminder of a painful void. 

Research indicates that, more often than not, children are the ones to initiate estrangement from their parents, although the reverse can also be true. The reasons for estrangement are as varied as the families themselves, ranging from lifestyle choices and personal beliefs to specific events such as a sense of betrayal or a deeply hurtful disagreement. There can also be generational divides in the way familial psychological harm is perceived and handled. The rise of polarizing discourse on social media, rising antisemitism and the situation since the October 7 Hamas attack on Israel has led to tension within some Jewish families, in some cases leading to estrangement.  

Despite the emotional challenges of estrangement, healing is possible. It often involves honest communication, a willingness to listen with an open heart and the support of skilled professionals. While the journey to healing may be difficult, it presents an opportunity for personal growth, renewal and the possibility to rebuild relationships that are deeper and more meaningful. 

In alignment with our mission to strengthen the Jewish and broader Chicago communities, JCFS is collaborating with synagogues in Chicago to bring speakers and host discussions on the topic of family estrangement over Shabbat, February 21-22. For more information about this “Let’s Talk About It” programming, email Andrea Jacobs.  

Additionally, JCFS recently offered a professional training on working with individuals experiencing estrangement for social workers, psychologists and counselors. For information on upcoming trainings, email Aliza Becker.